Sometimes Me...

Sometimes I want to fly,
Sometimes to stand still...
Sometimes I am a fighter
Sometimes I struggle to survive.
And then there are times that I gush like a waterfall,
At others still am as still as a smooth flowing river.
Sometimes am a dreamer,
Sometimes a cynic...
Sometimes questioning
At others all knowing...
Sometimes the student
At others mentoring.
Sometimes game,
Sometimes unwilling...
Sometimes emancipated
Sometimes repressed
And now something stirs deep within me...
A divine discontent
Of what was
And of an innocence lost
An overwhelming of the self
With inner struggles and private conflicts,
With things said and others left unsaid,
With loud victories, unvoiced expectations and quiet disappointments.
Adulthood or self discovery?
No one knows
And no one can tell...

A Beautiful Violence...

I stay calm in the face of rage
A rage so tangible, I could reach out and burn.
And I wish to burn,
Burn in the fury and the rage I feel.
The passion I want to be devoured by
Burn whole!
Oh how I hate this need,
This desire,
This need.
The craving for a touch
Discreet and some more.
And yes the sheer violence of it all...
A Beautiful Violence!

Reacquainting the Selves Within Me..

Standing at crossroads, I don't know where the paths lead
I tread tentatively on that path that appears to promise eternal happiness
Unsure after a loss of faith;ready to flee at the slightest turbulence and am no coward!
Of star-crossed lovers and fortune-tellers,
Nomads and travellers...I wonder ever curious, ever dubious
A willingness to be swept away but held back by an old friend,
My old friend who has served me well, saved me from blunders
My friend- the good old voice of Reason!
The cynicism that set in a while back makes me apprehensive and dubious...
Someone inside me wants to break free with reckless abandon
And I didn't even know she was trapped in there...
I struggle to reach out and know her
The dreamer in me...
Sometimes I fear I have come too far to tread back
But rediscovering the self is more often than not an interesting journey
And what triggers it no one knows
Sometimes something an old friend says,
Sometimes a line you read in a book,
Sometimes the yearning to share yourself with someone
Sometimes the need to be something more...
So my ever curious, ever dubious self reaches within to my past dreamer self
Daring her to dream her dreams
Dreams of all kinds
Of achievement, of love, of greater truths
With a quiet guarantee,
A silent promise of deliverance!!!

Void...

Lost in thought, utter confusion, I often lose sight of realities, of actual possibilities, more often than not, projecting my wishful thinking onto people and things. However sometimes I wonder, if this delusion is only mine or a shared human experience. One can never know for no one will ever admit to this vulnerability. This vulnerability which one desires to makes one strength yet again wishfully.
How often have I have thought that there is reciprocation when in fact nothing existed there, nothing at all!

Of Desirable Disasters...

When a schoolgirl comes alive
In a grown woman
Caution goes out of the window
As emotions take over.
When the heart wants to do somersaults
At a single sight.
When all you want to do is
Scream from the rooftops
And you simply have to hold your silence.
Know that when your mind wanders
Into unknown places
Out of the blue.
You are headed for disaster
That desirable disaster- LOVE!