What If?

Misleading presumptions,
An emotional connect
Or an illusion?
An acquaintance turns into a friend
A kindred spirit, a soul mate?
Hope of the unknown,
Scary yet irresistible.
The shell opens to let the light in
And someone walks out of it.
Someone I didn't know,
Someone who had laid waiting within me
To be coaxed out determinedly yet tender.
She played along,
As the warmth spread with a smile,a glance and a touch.
Smiling from within
Hoping this was different,
A parallel universe.
Feeling a happiness thought impossible.
A happiness- delusional and temporary,
The real thing- an elusive pursuit.
Forever-a myth.
The realisation witnessed a withdrawal,
Self denial.
And then rose the frigid queen
From the remnant ashes.
Burning down bridges and building fences,
Icy exteriors,impenetrable and invulnerable.
Redefining boundaries,
Reaffirming rules that got lost in translation.
No one to blame but fate,
Anger at no one else but the self.
A rebuttal of the self called for
And delivered.
Vulnerability an old loathed foe,
Laughing in my face as I shove him aside.
A question unanswered,
Echoed in the deathly silence
Wondering what if?
A clear incision needed
To bring me clarity through the chaos.
And yet as I fight my inner demons
I hear a voice in my head,
Fettered yet insistent
Pleading helplessly to forget it all.