Not Just Yet...

You made me feel I could hope again
You made me feel that I could be whole again
You made me put the pieces of my broken heart together again
You became my closest friend again.
You strove past the barriers I had carefully built,
Barriers that effortlessly slipped away.
You willed me into giving in,
And became the friend I didn't know I had been yearning for-
That friend I saw myself being my truest self with...
The friend I aspire to be,
The friend I had always prayed for.
I wished to be your best friend,
The friend you quickly became to me,
The friend you said you yearned for too.

And somewhere deep inside,
Long gone, lost, forgotten and well-hidden
Was the memory of this little girl who had played silly games with you- partners in crime.
The girl who built sand castles by the sea,
The girl who played with dragon-flies.
That girl who grew up to dream of white horses and glass sandals,
Of fairy tale endings and princes.
The girl whose dreams got shattered by a fake prince.
That girl who turned into a woman stern,
Strong-willed, stubborn and unyielding like bitter cold.
Then you sauntered back in like a summer breeze,
Springtime, refreshing and inevitable,
Tapping memories of a past forgotten,
Did you notice how old we had gotten?
I was exhilirated and petrified...
What if I was chalk and you were cheese?
But we worked our way past through niceties
Without pretence or formalities!
It was like no time had passed
Between the children we were and when we met at last.
You were a stranger I knew so well,
A familiar strangeness, a charm of its own.

And dare I say I hoped again,
To look past barriers, so not there.
And as the hope arose
Of calling a friendship so cherished something more,
I ventured into unchartered territories
Blowing sometimes hot and sometimes cold...
As I questioned my intentions and yours
I was guilty of daring to hope
Of something I have refused to acknowledge- a distant forgotten emotion,
Was this it?
Could it be?

And so I confided in my new found friend,elated,
One who I hoped would understand, reciprocate and embrace...
Then watched the assurance slip away
As I watched the familiar yet strange back turn away
Something dimmed.
A closing door...
Something shifted, the familiarity slipping away.
As I watched the water slipping through my fingers,
I quietly hoped for it to be a returning tide...

I made you literature,unrequited...
Weaning myself away, building up my old guard again.
I withdrew, strong-willed and stern,
You would never know how much I yearn.
In all earnestness,
Pulling away
But not giving up,
Not Just Yet...