An Impossible Eternity...

Distraction galore happens,
Confusion sets in.
Lost in thought I wander around
About what I know not.
Unsure and unnerved,
This feeling that devours me.
I have not a name for it...
I look for solace in places I had not considered,
Befriending strangers,
Finding common ground in unchartered territory.
Alone in a crowd,
Alienated amongst friends
I look for something,
Something I can't see,
Can't touch.
Something that is a longing for me
A longing for something I do not know.
Is it a feeling,an object or a person?
Ask me not because I know not...
And so I stay lost
In my reverie.
This pondering about something intangible,
So necessary and yet elusive.
Evasive.
I wonder and brood,
Depression???
I ask myself.
There is a deficiency that is in me,
That I cannot seem to fill
Hard as I try.
And I am blessed
No lack of privilege
And yet...
And my trials and my tribulations are mine alone
I realise.
And I realise I am not sad,
I have no regrets
Just thoughts of what has passed,
What was and never will be.
Helpless as I am
I smile at the irony
A bittersweet irony.
A dream of a forever
A forever shattered for good.
An impossible eternity!
A nervousness seeps in
Into the blood that runs through my veins
And into the corners of my soul
Eating into me
My very existence.
The possibilty of the new
Of the unknown.
There is a nervous excitement
Anticipation
Of what can be, might be
And that the heart says
Should be...